Tuxedos, bowties, and...Haberdashers!!

So item number 3 on our Thanksgiving to-do list involved a trip to the shopping mecca that is the north shore of Long Island. No, it wasn't a trip for Adrienne and me. It was time for the boys to get some new threads. Or, in Kenny's circumstance, to get some new threads altered.

After completing the marriage license trip, we all piled into the car for the trip to the north shore. While on our way, Adrienne regaled us with the story of how, many years ago when Lauren and Samara were little, Samara threw a tantrum when she found out Lauren was wearing little high heels to her father's 40th birthday party whereas Samara had to wear ballet flats (for those who don't know, Samara is a childhood friend of Kenny and Lauren's and is now married to Kenny's cousin Michael. Samara's brother, Adam, is one of Kenny's groomsmen). Then, Adrienne told the story again. Then, she notified us when we had entered the 5 mile radius of when Samara threw this tantrum. Finally, Adrienne pointed out the shopping center where Samara thew the tantrum. Samara, I probably know more about this tantrum than you even remember at this point. You'll have to tell me your side of it one day. Preferably over coffee at the Starbucks that is located in the center where said tantrum was thrown. It will feel much more real to me then.

So back to the story. We found ourselves at a place called Victor Talbot's, assisted by a gentleman named Marc. I liked Marc. First off, I love guys who spell Marc with a 'c'. Kenny's middle name is Marc with a 'c', so I'm partial. Secondly, Marc's business card identifies him, not as a sales associate, but as a HABERDASHER!! Wow! That's just so classy. So this place was absolutely nuts- by the way, it's where they filmed part of Meet the Parents!

When we walked in, Marc found us almost immediately and ushered us upstairs where we would outfit Kenny's dad in his new tuxedo accessories. The store itself is manlier than a bratwurst at a polo club. The carpet and walls were done in rich tones, with wood and brass accents and polo accessories all over the place. Adrienne and I made ourselves comfortable on the couch in the dressing area, and settled in with our cups of espresso. Yeah, that's right. We all had a great time choosing among beautiful ties, fantastic shirts and a really badass pair of suspenders. Y'all make sure you check out Steve's suspenders at the wedding. They rock. After about an hour of sifting through some high class threads, we managed to outfit Steve pretty well. I think he's ready to assume his role as father of the groom.

Licensed to Wed

Item number two on our Thanksgiving agenda was to obtain our marriage license. This was really the original purpose of our trip, since we didn’t want to run the risk of Kenny not making it in time on the Friday before the wedding for us to go get the license then. We drove out to the Hempstead clerk’s office and had an adventure in municipal goings-on. Actually, the whole experience was pretty painless. Kenny, however, managed to play airhead for the day. As we arrived at the building, he suddenly realizes he can’t find his birth certificate. He goes to the car to get it. He then calls me from the car to tell me he left it at home. Adrienne tells him to check his pocket, and sure enough, there it was. Adrienne, the municipal clerk, and I all exchange glances. Apparently once I marry Kenny, the responsibility of keeping his head attached to his shoulders passes from Adrienne to me. Great.
We went upstairs, filled out some paperwork, and waited to have the license issued. As we were waiting, one of the employees at the clerk’s office looks at the three of us and asks who is getting married. She said she was confused because we all look related. Then, she told Adrienne she thought she might be the sister, or one of the bridesmaids. Don’t be surprised if you see this woman at the wedding, sitting at the head table with Adrienne. She absolutely made Adrienne’s day, week, and year. Once Adrienne was finished basking in this glory, we made our way into the cubicle of another employee named Yvonne. Yvonne was really great. She was efficient, nice, fun, and basically everything your normal municipal employee isn’t. Bottom line is, as of 10:40 am on Saturday, November 25, 2006, Kenny and I are officially licensed to wed. Yay! No jail time for Rabbi Hain!

The Affrufrffurfurf…

Kenny and I just returned from a short trip to New York that boasted a very long agenda. First on the event list was Kenny’s Aufruf. For those of you who are not in the know, the Aufruf is a ceremony in which a groom is called to the Torah during the morning Torah service to say a blessing over the Torah. Torah Torah Torah. Whew. It’s something of a celebration of entry into married life. It is also the end of a man’s free will, where the ownership of his spirit and manhood are transferred from his mother to his wife-to-be, who then must continue to fight his mother for control of these gems for years to come.
The ceremony was really nice, and I have to say, it was very moving to see Kenny up at the bimah, wearing his tallis (a Jewish prayer shawl- usually only worn by married men in the Orthodox community).
So the Aufruf day began as a rainy Thursday morning, with all the ladies dressed in black (again, New York fashion sense got the best of me- I was also in black). We might have been mistaken for funeral party, save for the basket of candy we were toting that we would later peg Kenny in the head with. Adrienne was concerned about only one thing that morning- when the right time was to pelt Kenny with candy. You may be asking yourself, “Why in the world does she keep talking about hitting Kenny in the head with candy?” The explanation goes something like this—when a boy or man celebrates a milestone in his life, he gets pelted by candy. Bar Mitzvahs and weddings seem to be the most popular events at which to do this. If your mother loves you, she’ll choose soft candies, like Sunkist Gems or Gummi Bears. If you were bad, or you pissed your mom off that morning (like, for example, spilling water on the floor, then wiping it up with your sock while your mother is telling you to wipe it with a paper towel) you’ll get Jolly Ranchers jawbreakers. Kenny’s mom obviously loves him very much, and the water incident didn’t occur until the next day, so Kenny got Sunkist Gems.
As the time came for Kenny to be pegged with the candy, a few thoughts were running through my head. First of all, I was wondering when we were really supposed to be unleashing the candy artillery stash on Kenny. Adrienne asked Steve, and Steve says something like “Just go with the flow.” As Adrienne correctly noted, we were the flow. There were only about 12 women, all armed with candy, and none sure of when to throw it. Thankfully the Rabbi’s wife was sitting with us, so she gave us the go-ahead when the time was right. My second hesitation came a bit too late. As I was hurling the candy, I wondered how I could hit Kenny while avoiding the 5 other men standing at the bimah with Kenny. My aim, and probably that of most of the other women, is not very accurate. I’m pretty sure I nailed the cantor in the head. Lauren, being the loving sister that she is, managed to lob a gem right into Kenny’s head. The service ended shortly after that, Mazel Tovs went around, and we broke for a fantastic breakfast spread that Adrienne put together. The Wedding Mafia was in attendance, and as usual, there was an incredible amount of food. And this was about five hours before Thanksgiving dinner. I’m pretty sure my wedding gown no longer fits.